Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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