I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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