doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
