i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
