who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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