I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
