Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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