To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
