Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
