i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i think my cat just said my name.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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