When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
