my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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