I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
