you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
