Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
