i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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