Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
