I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
