please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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