some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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