Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
