I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
