I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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