I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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