I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
