Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
