when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
