she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
