how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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