just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
