the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just high enough for therapy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
