Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
