he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
