how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
