oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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