We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
