Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
