First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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