He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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