dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
