john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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