I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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