Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
