3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
