So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had sex on a roof
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
