There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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