i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
