Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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