white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
