the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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