Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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