I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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