Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
