when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
